If ever there was a disguise that a male Narcissist could easily
hide himself in, it is this one and the worse thing is you just can’t get
enough of him and love him for it.
Since James Dean first let a lit cigarette hang out the
corner of his mouth and scared parents
with his wild behaviour and Elvis shocked the older generation with his black leather
hip gyrating a new type of male was born into society. This new male was able
to turn the heads of sensible young woman and good girls of the day and cause
them to reject the nice, clean cut and aspirational young men who had until now
gentle pursued them. Yes the “bad boy” was here to stay, if only for a night or
two until he moved onto the next girl.
Now if ever there was a conundrum that has vexed many men and
a few woman, it is the appeal of the bad boy!! He is exciting, a bit dangerous and
unpredictable and you just never know where you are with him. Now prepare
yourselves for a shock here, for a lot of woman those lesser qualities are actually
a real turn on. After all he is wild and
dangerous, not one for sitting around and you know that a night out with him, will
be one you will not forget!! I worked with a girl many years ago who loved
dating bad boys, “I love it, they really keep me, on my toes”, I overheard her
say with a tone of total excitement.
Yes from the dawn of movies, Hollywood has been using the bad
boy stereotype to glamorise bad behaviour in men. It has not changed and still
goes on today. Look at how James Bond was reshaped in the images of Daniel
Craig’s bad boy Bond, a total reinvention through and though. Craig’s Bond is a
lifetime away from the near camp antics of Roger Moore. Also consider the mass
appeal of one of the most high functioning psychopaths ever to grace our movie
screens (Christian Grey), yep sorry hate to break it to you, but our Christian
is not exactly a well-balanced person, he is in therapy for a start. Not that
any of that matters enough to dampen Christian’s appeal, as no matter how
unbalanced our Mr Grey, he’s legions of fans were bound (no pun intended) to
fall in love with the idea of dating the ultimate bad boy.
So is it the untamed spirit, or the wild animalistic nature,
or that spark of electricity they seem to produce in so many woman which makes
these men so attractive? The short answer is you can actually take your pick
and to a degree as it does not really matter, as a character they just work and
woman fall for them. There are about 100000 other posts about why woman fall
for bad boys and they are probably all correct. Our concern today is not why
you fall for them, but what else are you letting in the door?
You see here in lays the problem, roughish bad boy behaviour often
hides deep insecurity and Narcissistic abuse. Just as we discovered within the
first part of this post, it is easy for a Narcissist to disguise himself as a
strong male, it is even easier for a Narcissist to disguise himself as a bad
boy.
Recognise this guy?
Slightly arrogant, loves to be in the driving seat and call
the shots, smouldering underneath and that slight hint of aggression that
attracts and excites. He can choose to be the life of the party, with a hint of
moodiness and a roughish element to him. Can hold the attention of the room and
more than capable of running a large company, with a volatile edge if he’s
plans do not pay off. Will often be a leader and make decisions, but does not
like them second guessed. He can be ambivalent about relationships and not show
emotion, but will tell you he loves you. Make large overblown romantic
gestures, but break dates and even flirt with other woman.
So who is that the latest romantic bad boy lead in a new
movie, or that total Narcissist who you dated for 9 months, who gave you hell
but you kept going back for more?
This is the real problem isn’t it, this disguise is so
effective and now I will tell you why it is. It is not actually a disguise many
so called “Bad boys” actually possess many Narcissistic traits. This is where
the lines become so blurred, that you almost cannot pull the two apart. I have
met guys like these, hung out with them and seen them in action. Two of the men
who I grew up with, who were so successful with woman, were also the most rude,
arrogant and abusive towards them. Yet they never went home alone. They were
boundary less and seemed to just have a natural appeal, they were forces of
nature and the woman loved them and put up with all manner of bad behaviour and
always took them back. They smoke, drank, took drugs, rode motorbikes and both
had the same wild stare. Woman adored them and at the same time, they were both
borderline psychopaths with multiple commitment issues.
So what do you do, how do you avoid this Narcissistic type
and never fall victim to him again?
This really is a tough one, as unlike the pseudo strong male,
this mask will not slip, he will just keep living this life and continually abuse
you, as much as you let him.
If there is a solution to avoiding this, it is (it always is)
to do with you than them. You need to wake up. You need to wake up to the reality
of the fantasy that has been laid out for you by the media. Bad boys in films
and literature are there to appeal to woman and as a marketing ploy this works.
Women want them and men want to be them. There is even a well-known publishing
house who have released a guide to writing romantic fiction. The guide states “When writing a great
romance start like this: Boy meets girl, boy is rude to girl, girl gets angry
at boy, boy and girl make up, boy and girl end up together. How many romantic
films and books start this way? From day one they have hardwired you into
looking for a guy who is rude to you and can presses your buttons. As you have
been told that after this, you will make up and all will be rosy, it won’t be!!
Now it is often the same for Narcissists, I have known woman
who are so attracted to the “bad Boy” behaviour that even after they have been
abused by their resident Narcissist, they still find them exciting, attractive
and would go back to them!! For some woman, no one does it like a Bad Boy Narcissist
and never will.
The problem is that when you open your eyes, this is not a
very good long term plan and eventually you get to a stage in life, maybe its
age or you just have enough of this behaviour, where you do seek someone strong
and dependable. I once dated a girl, who said and I quote “It is only now I
could date a strong and secure man like you , I have only just wanted bad boys
up until the last few years” and she was in her mid 40`s!!
There is not really an answer here, I am sorry to tell you, I
don’t actually have a great NLP or therapy technique for this one, other than
to say that you just need to start to ground yourself in reality. These people
will not change, so please do not fall into the old trap of “I can change him”
you can’t!!! They will not change as their strategy works for them and always will.
Yes the romantic appeal of the “bad boy” will be forever sold
to woman around the world, but beware because within so many of these “bad boys”,
there lives a true Narcissist and maybe you cannot have one without the other. Within
my book “Monsters Live Amongst us”, I quote a line from the movie The Lost Boys
“Never Invite a Vampire into your home, it renders you powerless”
If you would like support with any areas which I have covered, you can contact me directly, I work one to one or on skype. My latest book (Monsters Live Amongst us 5 star Amazon Rating) is also available on Amazon
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