I see so many people posting on boards and emailing
me, telling me that they need to come and see me for therapy as they are a
Narcissist, that is almost an epidemic. This is the reason why I have written
this blog post Normally someone will contact me after they have been told by
someone (normally a Narcissist) that they are themselves a Narcissist. If this
is the case then here is the one thing you can do to find out if you are.
Ask yourself this, “If I am a Narcissist, what I am
going to do to change myself?
Now notice what answers come back to you? If your
answers were anything along the lines of
“going to seek help, visit a therapist, talk to friends, buy a book or
talk to others”, then you are doing this as you believe that you a Narcissist
and wish to make changes.
So, if you wish to make any changes to modify your behaviour,
then this is actually great news for you, as it means that you are not a
Narcissist!! Let me repeat that. If you believe that you are a Narcissist and
want to make changes, then you are not a Narcissist. For actually wishing to
change your behaviour is never a trait that a Narcissist ever entertains.
Now as I said in my latest book, we can all hold minor
Narcissistic traits, but a true Narcissist is a totally different kind of
person altogether. For a start, they do not believe that any of their behaviours
are wrong and would not be questioning them.
A Narcissist, will see no problem with their actions
and will never entertain the idea that they need to change.
So ask yourself “Are you comfortable with committing
manipulative and abusive actions and behaviours”?
Only a Narcissist would not answer “No” to this
question. Why would they, what they do works for them. They know who they are
already and are ok with that.
This second question will reconfirm for you that you
are not a Narcissist. Only a real Narcissist is happy and comfortable with the
abuse they commit and will not look to change. If they ever did ask this
question then they would just find excuses for their behaviour.
The very fact that you are questioning yourself means
that you are not a Narcissist; Think of this as a positive Catch-22.
Please understand that for a Narcissist to reframe you
as the Narcissist is the ultimate act of power, control and manipulation. It is for them a total game-changing move,
they have moved all the focus off of themselves and onto you, leaving them free
to run riot and carry on with their manipulative and abusive behaviour.
It is difficult when we feel that we are lost and
alone and trying to find answers, but this is not the answer that you need. If
you are really starting to question who you are to such a degree that you are
even willing to take on board that you are a Narcissist, then maybe it is time
that you seek some help. It can be very hard when we have been in an abusive relationship
and we will often lose ourselves and forget just who are. Always remember this
is exactly what a Narcissist wants, they want you to forget who you are so they
can then reshape and remould you. When they have you in this state of total self-loss,
It is at this point that they will then start to release the ultimate Narcissistic
distortion upon you “Telling you that you are a Narcissist”
So whenever you are told that you are a Narcissist by
anyone, if it bothers you and it starts to make you question yourself, then you
are NOT a Narcissist.
The help that you may actually require, will be to
rediscover who you are, self-healing, therapy and mediation are great pathways
for this. Please do not let anyone reframe or remould you into something which you
are not.
For any help with Narcissist abuse, contact me directly from my website.
My latest book on how to heal from Narcissistic abuse is currently available on Amazon, in paperback and download.
