I see so many people posting on boards and emailing me, telling me that they need to come and see me for therapy as they are a Narcissist, that is almost an epidemic. This is the reason why I have written this blog post Normally someone will contact me after they have been told by someone (normally a Narcissist) that they are themselves a Narcissist. If this is the case then here is the one thing you can do to find out if you are.
Ask yourself this, “If I am a Narcissist, what I am going to do to change myself?
Now notice what answers come back to you? If your answers were anything along the lines of “going to seek help, visit a therapist, talk to friends, buy a book or talk to others”, then you are doing this as you believe that you a Narcissist and wish to make changes.
So, if you wish to make any changes to modify your behaviour, then this is actually great news for you, as it means that you are not a Narcissist!! Let me repeat that. If you believe that you are a Narcissist and want to make changes, then you are not a Narcissist. For actually wishing to change your behaviour is never a trait that a Narcissist ever entertains.
Now as I said in my latest book, we can all hold minor Narcissistic traits, but a true Narcissist is a totally different kind of person altogether. For a start, they do not believe that any of their behaviours are wrong and would not be questioning them.
A Narcissist, will see no problem with their actions and will never entertain the idea that they need to change.
So ask yourself “Are you comfortable with committing manipulative and abusive actions and behaviours”?
Only a Narcissist would not answer “No” to this question. Why would they, what they do works for them. They know who they are already and are ok with that.
This second question will reconfirm for you that you are not a Narcissist. Only a real Narcissist is happy and comfortable with the abuse they commit and will not look to change. If they ever did ask this question then they would just find excuses for their behaviour.
The very fact that you are questioning yourself means that you are not a Narcissist; Think of this as a positive Catch-22.
Please understand that for a Narcissist to reframe you as the Narcissist is the ultimate act of power, control and manipulation. It is for them a total game-changing move, they have moved all the focus off of themselves and onto you, leaving them free to run riot and carry on with their manipulative and abusive behaviour.
It is difficult when we feel that we are lost and alone and trying to find answers, but this is not the answer that you need. If you are really starting to question who you are to such a degree that you are even willing to take on board that you are a Narcissist, then maybe it is time that you seek some help. It can be very hard when we have been in an abusive relationship and we will often lose ourselves and forget just who are. Always remember this is exactly what a Narcissist wants, they want you to forget who you are so they can then reshape and remould you. When they have you in this state of total self-loss, It is at this point that they will then start to release the ultimate Narcissistic distortion upon you “Telling you that you are a Narcissist”
So whenever you are told that you are a Narcissist by anyone, if it bothers you and it starts to make you question yourself, then you are NOT a Narcissist.
The help that you may actually require, will be to rediscover who you are, self-healing, therapy and mediation are great pathways for this. Please do not let anyone reframe or remould you into something which you are not.
For any help with Narcissist abuse, contact me directly from my website.
My latest book on how to heal from Narcissistic abuse is currently available on Amazon, in paperback and download.