Have you ever wondered why or how you seem to end up the
victim of Narcissistic abuse time and time again? It seems that no matter what
job you start, or whoever you date, you appear to attract people who are abusive
towards you. You almost feel as though that you are nothing more than a magnet
for Narcissists and are pretty much doomed to fail in all of your activities
due to the abusive people around you. If this is you I have some very bad news
for you, but I will also show you a way out!!
I am sorry to have to break this to you if you are someone
who is a victim of Narcissistic abuse time and time again, then there is
something which you are carrying around within you and it screams out to every
Narcissist in a 5-mile radius “Here I am come and abuse me”. Generally what you
are carrying is a weakness in your thoughts, maybe due to past experiences which
have given you a lack of self-worth or respect.
This low self-esteem hangs over you like a large neon sign
and a Narcissist will spot it like a shark can sense blood. Most Narcissists
will also have an incredible lack of self-esteem themselves, so it is really
easy for them to recognise it in you and exploit it. Generally, Narcissists are attracted to those people
who do not even recognise that they have low self-worth as it is much easier to
manipulate them. You will tell yourself, I am a successful person I am strong
and confident, but they will spot something in you, which may be even you have
not seen. They will spot the house of card which you have built for yourself around
your weak ego and knock it down, with one manipulative blow.
So many of my clients who come to see me are incredibly
successful people in their own right, but have been abused in the worst ways
and cannot work out why. They will hold good positions at work, be seen as
strong people and some may even be therapists themselves, but there is a part
of themselves which they have not faced and challenged, yet!!
A lot of the time, we are also talking about people who have “Good
Girl or Nice Guy Syndrome”, or people pleasers. You are over conscientious in
not wanting to hurt other people and you may even have a fear of upsetting
other people. For the Narcissist this is an especially potent cocktail (Hidden
low self-esteem and people pleasing) as they can abuse you as much as they like
and know that no matter how bad their behaviour they can pull your strings and
win you back, as you will not want to ever hurt them back!!
It can actually get much worse than this as not only will you
accept the abuse, you will go back time and time again for more abuse. Have you
ever wondered why you fall under the Narcissists spell, even if they have
repeatedly abused you? Your low self-worth
coupled with your over pleasing nature compels you to be drawn back into their
dark web of pain and manipulation. All the Narcissist has to do is to play out
one of their many pantomimes (Cry, act hurt, scream, beg, plead, manipulate) and
you will just obediently go trotting back to them. After all it is too much for
you to bare to see another person displeased with you, when all you have to do
to fix it and make the pain go away, is do as they ask. They have you dangling
and just keep pulling your strings until they wish to just cut them and move on.
Of course, when they do this it leaves you feeling even abandoned and even lower
than before and desperate for any attention especially theirs and so the cycle
is repeated.
Is all of this starting to sound familiar to you? If so keep
reading, as actually breaking out of this cycle of abuse can be done, but it
does take some work.
We do not want to look
at the darker side of our own nature, as for many people, it is too scary a recess
to even admit exists. But actually it
might just be the key to your salvation here, within my book (Monsters Live
Amongst us) I talk about “going over to the Narc side” now I am not advocating
that you start exemplifying narcissistic behaviour, but you do need to strap on
a helmet, bulletproof your ego and start firing some shots of your own.
If you are ever going to stop being a victim of abuse, then
you need to be prepared to step into the arena and not be afraid of doing some
damage yourself. Now again I am not talking about actually committing physical harm.
But I am telling you now, you will need to be prepared to see your abuser
suffer right before your eyes (Well at least pretend to), remember it is just a
pantomime for them.
This is actually really hard, as we have lost our ability in
modern times to go to war, we are always told that we need to be virtuous and good;
this will not cut it with an abuser. We are told that karma will take care of
them and living well is the best defence. We also instinctively want to comfort
others when they appear in pain (Woman as caregivers and men as protectors). Sorry
to break this to you, but we are actually through the looking glass here and if
you are to ever change your world, then standing in your ground and firing your
magic silver bullet repeatedly at your abuser is your only chance of escape. But
you do not only have to be prepared to fire it, you need to stand and watch the
effects of it without giving in and pulling the bullets back out.
So let me hand you your greatest ammunition now that will end
all of your abuse in one split second.
No, there you go, that is it, that is all you need the word
NO, it is like kryptonite to a Narcissist and will most likely drive them
totally over the edge. It is a simple word, but to use it, you really need to
mean it. When you use it, you need to drive your defiance in deep and make sure
it stays stuck in there. But how do you
do this, how do you make your No hit its mark and have the right effect, simple?
When your Narcissist starts their manipulative gameplay, you fire off another
No, nothing else, no explanation no reasoning, no negotiation, just fire off
another No and keep firing them off, until you finish them off.
When I learnt the rules of dealing with narcissists effectively
and started doing this, the effects were terrifying, it was like watching a
dying creature writhing in agony before me when I confronted my resident Narcissist
with the all-powerful No. They twisted and turned, they accused, cried howled
attacked they tried to hide, evade and used every trick in the Narcissists handbook,
but I held my ground and I just kept I firing off more and more No’s without any
explanation. I was not going to justify why I was not going to conform to their
will any more and it drove them off. I kept going and eventually, they just
seemed to lose all of their power and control over me.
The problem is that doing this takes some strength and you
have to be prepared to do that one thing you are uncomfortable with, watch
another person appear to be in pain in front of you. My Narcissist howled and
cried at the “unfairness” (Always be aware of that word) of my actions and how
could I be so cruel. The reality of the situation was that I was not being cruel;
I had just stood up for myself and was no longer willing to be abused. They
knew in the past that whenever they had behaved this way I had caved in, but
this time I was bulletproof and I was now prepared to stand and watch them
suffer as they had made me suffer for months on end.
It is not an easy thing to stand up to your abuser and
mentally you need to be strong enough and in the right place. It also takes
great support and preparation, but ultimately doing this will allow you to
start taking back all of your power and control. So start practising firing off
a few No bullets, just on the small things, no explanation, remember you do not
need to justify your actions, you just need to start cutting the strings
yourself one No at a time.
Take care and stay grounded in reality.
If you would like support with any areas which I have covered, you can contact me directly, I work one to one or on skype. My latest book (Monsters Live Amongst us 5 star Amazon Rating) is also available on Amazon
If you would like support with any areas which I have covered, you can contact me directly, I work one to one or on skype. My latest book (Monsters Live Amongst us 5 star Amazon Rating) is also available on Amazon
