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Do you have a covert Narcissist within your family and no one will believe you?




I have just taken a call from an amazing person, who after following my blog had the good sense to reach out and speak to me, as they suspected they have a covert Narcissist within their family.

They gave me a description of the family member in question and then described their behaviour, which was highly toxic and manipulative. As we spoke it very quickly became clear from what they had told that they were correct and did indeed they did have a covert Narcissist within the family.

As we spoke further, I also became aware that the person on the other end of the phone was the only person in the family who had and the insight, knowledge and bravery to recognise what was going on and speak up and do something about their concerns.
As many people who have suffered Narcissistic abuse will tell you, being the only one who spots it can often be the biggest problem, as no one else believes you!!

But it is not the case that no one believes you, actually they refuse to believe you and acknowledge the reality of what you can see, by choice!!  As if another family member acknowledges your concerns and then opens their eyes to the reality really going on in their family, they too would have to accept that a person in the family is a Narcissist.
Accepting that a family member is a Narcissist is a very painful thought for many people to take on board and it also means that now they have seen it, they may have to take action and confront them.  

Most people are just happy to write the behaviour off in some form or the other and even make excuses for them. This is actually weak thinking and allows a Narcissist to just run riot.

This weak thinking in others will then leave the one person who can see the abuse within the family (you) feeling alone, isolated and other people treating you as though you are paranoid, or out to get this person.

Now, this is where you need to be careful as everyone starts to play directly into the Narcissist's hands here, by cutting you off from the very people whose support you need. In effect, everyone is doing the Narcissists work for them, playing divide and concur with each other while the Narcissist sits back and carries on game playing.   
So what is the best course of action here? As ever in these situations, your first course of action has to be to remind yourself that you are correct and not to allow others to steer you from your thoughts, or tell you they are wrong. You must not buy into others thoughts and excuses who are not strong enough to stand up to the abusive person. Doing this is hard; really hard as at this stage, you are one going down a very difficult path here, totally on your own. So it is important that you keep positive and good counsel with yourself. Keep yourself centred and focused and remind yourself that you are the one who is attempting to keep yourself and others in touch with reality and what is really happening.

Do not let others dismiss your thoughts as paranoia, just because they do not fit in with everyone else’s world. Most Narcissists rely on other people’s weak thoughts, apathy and know that most people will not wish to see what is happening under their own noses. Weak people will find excuses for abusive behaviour rather than see for what it is, as when acknowledgement takes place, other people will fear that it will bring them into some form of conflict with the Narcissistic abuser.  

Remember, most people do not want conflict, do not know who to deal with it and find it easier to shoot the messenger or dismiss it as paranoia.

So to start off with you may well feel that you are the lone dissenting voice, talking out against someone who has skilfully manipulated others to their side. This is ok and a very natural thing to have happened, remember you are dealing with someone who lives only to cloud others minds and distort reality.

The next step needs to be finding support and help. You will have other people in your life that you can turn to and find support with. Maybe you will find someone who is not within your family, this is ok, as long as you can share information with them and you know that you will not be judged and just listened to. This is a vital step and the person who phoned me today explained how refreshing it was to talk to someone else who understood them, as they felt as though they were the only one.

When you find someone else to talk to who understands what is happening for you it can feel like such a relief and at the same time, you remove that paranoia label from yourself. Yes, believe it or not, so many people want to speak out against family members who abuse them, but do nothing about it, as others convince them that they are paranoid, wrong. So then the person who spotted the abuse starts to question themselves. This is the worst thing you can ever do. Do not let others make you feel as though you are the problem or paranoid when you see Narcissistic abuse happening in your family.

You will need to seek out those who support you before you start to take action. One of the best ways in which we can emotionally protect ourselves and preserve our mental energies is by having someone to talk to and share our thoughts and concerns. When we fail to do this we hold onto too many negative thoughts and can often become stressed and anxious with the situation.

Always remember you are about to face a long uphill battle here and you will need to preserve all of your mental energies to be able to fight and win. I know the idea of preparing for war is not the way that we are taught to go through life, but when dealing with a Narcissist being on a war footing is a vital mindset.

We have to be aware that most people may not be ready to accept the truth and reality of a Covert Narcissist existing within their family, but it is a reality and it may well be yours.

So keep wise counsel with yourself and chose carefully who you disclose to, as you may end up fighting against family members who are not yet willing to open their eyes to what is happening around them.



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